An eclectic mash-up of my eclectic thoughts:

At the moment, if I could be a superhero, I would like to be the Batman of insurance; fighting injustice, punishing ill doers, eliminating corrupt and inefficient institutions, and threatening people who park illegally in bike lanes on snowy nights.  Actually that last one still stands:  Don't park illegally in bike lanes.  I will hunt you down and dent your car, kamikaze style.

Having summer free is substantially less fun if the majority of people you want to spend summer with are always busy working or taking classes.  Having summer free is substantially more fun than being always busy working or taking classes.

Sometimes, the world has a way of encouraging procrastination, like when you put off calling the ambulance billing lady for an hour while reading xkcd because $1000 is scary, and then it turns out she's out of town until tuesday.

And there's this.  Read into it as you will.

Note: Although you're still free to take it as you will, I just want
clarify that this isn't a cryptic revelation that I'm dating someone.
People were jumping to conclusions, sorry for the misunderstanding
You may now carry on with your life. 

Why didn't I concur?

So, I wanted to write down my recent adventures in check fraud, because that seems fun.  I think this would be best explained with the text conversation:

Mysterious Friend: Hi, Do you still have Upright Piano available for sale?
Me: Yes indeed
Mysterious Friend: I will be paying with check, and have my picker come for the pickup cos presently not in state..  [at this point I started to be suspicious, it only took 2 texts]
Me: Ok, do you definitely want it then?
Mysterious Friend: Yeah, But i will need some information to mail the check out
Me: Hm, you can imagine I'm just a little wary of giving m piano away to someone while I'm waiting for a check from another state.  Do you have PayPal, or some other way to transfer the money?  Alternatively, i could just hold onto the piano until I get the check.
Mysterious Friend: You will hold the piano till you get the check and clear it..  [that seemed awfully bossy, but whatever
Me: Cool, I can do that.  You want my address? I can mark it as sold.
Mysterious Customer: I need you [so tender] Full Name: address: city: state: zip code [I see you're a fan of the colon]
Me: My address [In retrospect, perhaps giving my address to suspicious people isn't the best idea, but such is the nature of KSL classifieds.
Mysterious Customer: How am i paying and i will want you to consider it sold
Me: Well, PayPal would be best, but if you can't, I can take a check, made out and sent to me.  It's $300
Mysterious Customer: Okay, I will get back to you with the tracking number as soon as the check is mail out to you
Me: Cool thanks, I'll mark it as sold.
Mysterious Customer: Alright Thanks you so much.

A couple days pass....

Mysterious Customer: Good Morning, how are you doing I just want to update you regarding the check.. It will be mail out today.. Am sorry for the delay.
Me: No problem, thanks for the update.  I'll let you know when it rrives and depoited and you can come get your piano.  Have a good day!

another few days

Mysterious Customer: Good Morning, I am really sorry for the delay in the check but it ave been mail out this morning with USPS courier with USPS tracking
Me:     [I was busy with life, I didn't get back to him within 24 hours]

Mysterious Customer: Hello, You never get back to me to know if you get the tracking number correctly or not
Me: Hey, sorry!  I hadn't gotten around to checking.  I just looked, it's working.  Thanks.  I'll let you know when I get it.

-time passes, next day I check the tracking number and it says it's out for delivery.  Excited, I go to check my mail and see, to my elation, a usps envelope.  I anxiously tear it open, excited for my $300 and liberation from this blasted piano and see, to my surprise, a check for $1970.

Does it still count at 6 figures if two of the figures are cents?

At first I assumed there must be some mistake, maybe this was a different check that was for some scholarship I was waiting for (I'm not) or something along those lines.  But no, it was clearly the right check, the tracking number matched up and everything.  At this point I was pretty suspicious, but I didn't see how this could go poorly for me, after all, it wasn't my money, even if it were a scam, I didn't see the end game.   It seemed like a really bad scam that gives me a free $1700 at the expense of some chinese christians.  So I texted him:

Me: So the check arrived today, but you overpaid by about $1700, was that intentional?
"Joseph Mark":  <no response>

I assume this must be a pretty critical point in the check cashing scheme, since obviously people will be suspicious, and they're holding all the cards.  I could just cash the check and keep it.  That would be fun.  It would take skill and great tact, rhetoric even, to calm my suspicious, and convince me to hand over all that money.  Luckily, today "Joseph" broke out his persuasive hat:

sent at 5:36 AM the day after (today)
"Joseph Mark": Hi, Sorry for my late update..have been very busy, [I don't understand the double period, is it supposed to be some sort of mini elipses?] i just confirm the check ave been delivered to you, i'll want you to go ahead and deposit the check and it will clear ur acct after 24hr and deduct ur asking price with addition $50 for holding d item down for me and the rest will be send to my picker.

So at this point, I have a lot of questions.  What is a picker anyway?  This is obviously a fraud, so what should I do now?  Also, when trying to defraud a christian mission of $2000, is the extra $50 convenience fee really effective?  I was totally going to call the cops, but he threw in an extra $50.  I should have bartered with him: "Look you're obviously trying to scam some mission, but split the check 50/50 and I won't even make you pretend to pick up the piano.".  Sadly, things played out as follows:

8:40 "Joseph Mark": Good Morning, Did you get my text?   [Ironically, this text saved me from being late for work, since I had somehow not woken up with my alarm or something.  It was a strange blessing from a criminal, but since I was already running late and not sure how to respond, I didn't yet]

He called at about 10, my phone was off

11:57 "Joseph Mark": Why are you not picking my call? [I do somewhat regret never having talked to him in person, I'm curious to know what he sounds like.  Is he intelligent, illiterate, asian? I'll never know.]
Me: Sorry, work until later this afternoon, I'll get back to you. [I was at work, but I also wasn't sure what to do.  I didn't want him to get spooked and run off and miss my chance at an elaborate sting operation]
"Joseph Mark": Did you have the check deposited?
Me: Not yet, I didn't have time before the bank closed yesterday [that's true], today might not happen, tomorrow I should have time to take care of it if I don't today [that's also true, although by take care of it I meant go to wells fargo and the police for advice, and possible sting operation planning]
"Joseph Mark": Oh... I guess if you can get the check deposit today and the money will be available on your account tomorrow so my mover can come by
Me: Yeah, I'll see what I can do, but if not, I'm free next week, just whenever works for him.  [see how I draw him in, making me sound less suspicious]
"Joseph Mark": Or should I provide you the mover information to have the rest funds send to him cos he ave some other items to pick for me somewhere else... So he can continue with that and you cash the check at any available time of yours   [This just seems desperate.  I obviously wasn't going to send money to the mover before the check cleared, and now it sounds like I was expected to send the money to the mover, which meant he wouldn't even take the piano.  That was the whole point!  I did, however, notice that he's mastered the three dot ellipsis. ]
Me: Well, I'll have to get the money before I could send it to him.  I don't have $1700 just lieing [sic] around. By the way, is he going to bring people?  It's a heavy piano, I don't think he'll be able to do it alone
Me: But yeah, if I have time I'd like to take care of it today, I'm tired of the piano taking up space, and I could use the money   [again, reeling him in...]
"Joseph Mark": Sure, he will come with is worker... Just try and get the check deposit today... So you can have the money in your account soon... It won't take you more then 10min to do that.  [a little pushy there at the end, but now that he's mastered the ellipsis he's really going to town.  He sounds downright reticent]
Me: Yeah, I'll let you know when it's done
"Joseph Mark": Thank for the understanding  [only one thank.  That's harsh]

So at this point i swung by the bank and told them, they confirmed that it was a fraud, but didn't seem too keen on the elaborate heist.  I happened to have left the check at home, so after work my roommate and I went by the police station and told them.  They also weren't too excited for the heist (having already tried) but appreciated the information and that I hadn't cashed the check.  They took my number, the check and the envelope and filed it away.  Apparently there's been a bunch of KSL check fraud recently, the lady at the counter next to me happened to have had the same thing happen, as had a friend of a friend of mine.

At this point, I wanted to choose my words carefully.  Obviously I had to tell him the check didn't clear, but I didn't want to lose my opportunity to mess with a criminal.  Also the package was sent from detroit, and he had my full name and address and phone number, so I didn't want to mess with him to the point that he wanted to retaliate.  I chose my words judiciously to say the least:

Me: Hey, so I went to the bank, but they wouldn't cash the check.  [this is true. First of all, they're on the lookout for this sort of thing right now, but I also told them the whole situation from the start, which had a lot to do with their refusal to cashing the check.]  But I have wells Fargo also, do you want to just transfer me the money through wells Fargo?  It's free, and we wouldn't have to wait for postage.  Then your guy could come pick up the piano.
"Joseph Mark": <no response...>

So that's where we're at.  I don't expect him to respond.  I should have gone for the gold and asked to be in on future scams, or just made fun of him.  I suppose I still could.  Or you could, I have his phone number after all.

I've learned a lot in this ordeal.  First it takes a long time to transcribe an entire text conversation to blogger.  Second, criminals are dumb, and must think other people are really really dumb, which to a certain extent they must be, since obviously this is working enough to keep trying.  Third, I would make a much better criminal.  I would just buy something small with nearly the exact value of the check, pay for it, and then resell it elsewhere.  I think it would be a much more successful scam.  Although it might require actual interaction, which I suppose comes with a lot more risk.  I'll probably just stick to legitimate enterprises.

Why adulthood is (going to be) amazing:

This ended up on some Artisan Bread with Apple Cranberry juice to drink, and was delicious

I was feeling mature and ambitious (and hungry), so i bought and made real food for lunch.  I had gotten very bored of yogurt and ham sandwiches ham sandwiches and yogurt, and I was craving real food.

This got me thinking about how life is just going to get more awesome.  Here are some things about encroaching adulthood that don't terrify me:

Home ownership and all the creative license that entails (I'm looking at you, Aspen Ridge management.)
My kitchen.  Oh man. Don't get me started on my future kitchen.
Having ingredients and a reason to make food that's interesting and good fairly regularly
Not living with 3 other guys (no offense to my current roommates, who are great)
Owning a good piano, and having space for it.

It's not exactly an exhaustive list, but I'm expecting good things for the second half of my 20's.

I've got soul

One of the perils of teaching missionaries is occasionally they get wise and invite you to do things, like talk about why you're mormon on your blog.  So I'm delving into the second topic that is fairly central to my life but which I rarely discuss on my blog, Religion.   It is Sunday after all.

I rarely talk about religion because I feel like religion is a very personal thing, and it would seem I'm not the most open person when it comes to personal things (recent blog posts not withstanding), but I think it's worth understanding why, in spite of my normal rational and dispassionate nature, I would base my life so much on something that can be so intangible at times.

So first of all, I have never loved the idea of The God of the Void.  This is sort of a science-y way to describe it; I just don't like the idea of believing in God because he fills the gaps in things we don't understand.  There are some things I don't understand in science, but I don't feel like they are proof that God exists, they're just proof that science is still evolving.  I don't think we need God to fill in the gaps, and the implication of that sort of belief is that once the gaps are filled we don't need God. I like to think that I continue to believe in God because of the things I know, despite the things I don't.  And over the course of my life I've had a lot of times that I really have felt that God exists, found answers to my questions, had warnings that kept me safe, and have received the things I need or wanted as the result of prayer.  When I want to know how the world works, science functions pretty well.  When I want to find purpose in life, and strength, and happiness and love, I find religion works better.

At the same time, I feel like a lot of things I ascribe to God, other people can ascribe to coincidence, and I know enough of how the brain and our memories work to recognize that we're prone to find the things we're looking for.  So while I do feel like I can find reassurance in these things, it's not exactly perfect.

I think at the core, when things are tough or I have questions I keep going because religion makes me happy.  I feel like my life is really good, and believing in God and living accordingly makes me the sort of person I want to be, and brings happiness to my life.  Which is to say I believe in God because I want to, and because it's good.

And that's me. I don't presume to say that this is the best way to believe in God, but it works very well for me.

We can probably return to our typical, shallow chronology of my life.

~Not a soldier

On Friendship, Dating, and The Perils of Living in Provo

[a brief note: after writing this, I realized that it might not make a ton of sense to people who aren't members of the LDS church, or even those who are that don't live in Provo.  Suffice it to say, there's a lot of pressure to get married, so this might not apply, or it might just seem obvious to most people.  For me though this was sort of a big realization.  So bear with me]

As promised (forgive me if it rambles) :

I've been talking a bit about this with a few of my friends; I think the whole thing really originated last December as I pondered about last year, and I realized that I hadn't dated any girls all year.  I had gone on dates (boy had I), but none of them had really led to anything.  So that was sort of disappointing. I've also had several friends in my life that have impressed me very much with their ability to really talk to people and care about them rather than have shallow and superficial conversation.  Anyway, to get to the point:

I'm bad at dating.

I'm not saying I'm terrible at relationships (although that may or may not be true, as mentioned, it's been a while), or even going on dates.  Maybe people who have been on the receiving end can vouch for that (or correct me), but I feel like I can plan activities, pay for them, and pair off with the best of them, and two years of inviting myself over to people's houses has given me this no fear setting that I can turn on when I need it.  What I mean by that is that I am basically useless when it comes to turning a date into a relationship.  I have a very hard time being at my best on a date, and there's so much pressure to figure out if you're interested in a person and want to keep spending very precious time and less precious money doing things with this person.  

In a lot of ways, 2012 was the year of going on dates.  I didn't really keep track, but it certainly felt like i went on a ton of dates, some of them with people who I was really quite interested in, and many in whom I wasn't.  On one of these dates I somehow got on the topic of the friendzone, and my date explained that guys fear the friendzone at their own expense, and that every relationship she had ever had was with a guy she was friends with first.  This was an ironic and somewhat unfortunate conversation to have with a girl who I had barely known before asking on a date.  This seemed strange at first, and then I realized that was true for me as well.

In fact, in 2011, when I was fresh off the mission and not yet acclimated to this whole Provo thing, I naturally wound up in a few very nice relationships, one with a girl I'd had a crush on for almost a decade.  Each of these were people with whom I was friends and got to know and ended up dating.  And then I thought of all the dates I had gone on (including the date in which I had this conversation) and how they didn't go anywhere.

So to return to the point, dates are pointless.

Now, before you go quoting Elder Oaks to me (because that's the thing to do around here), I think there is an important place for quartship courtship in relationships.  But I think Provo (myself included) has missed the mark in a big way.  Relationships are meant to be built on trust, friendship, and that sort of thing, and dating just isn't a good forum to develop trust and friendship.

A caveat: There are people who are good at dating.  They are completely able to develop relationships, and get to know people, and be themselves, and fall in love through dating, and that's great, I'm happy for them.  I don't know very many of them, probably because most of them are now married and don't hang out with me anymore. In any case, I'm not those people.

Sometime ago, I was talking with one of my friends (who I had taken a stab at dating, but it didn't quite stick) about whether or not it was a good idea to date friends.  I made the point that you will essentially lose all of your opposite gendered friends to marriage.  Sure you might stay in touch, but it's not going to be the same, and it shouldn't be.  So you might as well go for it, since all that you have to lose it what you'll lose eventually anyway, sooner or later.  A bit later she proposed the question:

Are guy-girl friendships worth it?

After thinking and talking about this for some time, I can definitively say, "Yes." And I will tell you why:
First of all, there is value in being a friend.  From a christian point of view, being a friend is really the highest calling we have.  From a more sociological perspective, friendship makes us happy, it defines us, it keeps us sane, it extends our life.  There's a lot of value in friendship for it's own sake.  If there were no other reasons, I think that we be enough.  I don't think I can express this as well as I'd like to, but I think being a good friend is about the best thing we can do. But there's more!

I've decided, limited experience that I have notwithstanding, that being a friend is much better preparation for successful, longterm relationships than dating.  Dating is all about judging the other person, presenting your best self, and being what they want for a couple hours so that you can get what you want.  [Some people might object to this analysis of dating, but that's what it is in my experience, at least in Provo.] Friendship is about caring about people all the time, helping them, and supporting them, not because you're looking for something but because you want them to be happy.  [Again, some people might not view friendship so positively, but oh well]  I suspect marriage will be a lot more like friendship with romance than long term dating.

And lastly, as discussed, friendship really is the best way to find people to date.  Over the past semester I've gone on almost 0 dates (I went on one, which definitely didn't go anywhere), mostly because of time and some lack of interest. I have spent a lot more time becoming a better friend and developing better relationships with people.  I didn't set out to do this to start dating, but I've realized it's been much more successful in meeting and getting to know people who I'd want to date and has been a lot more enjoyable.

I think Provo has developed this very harmful dating climate which encourages dating for it's own sake and this objective view of friendship--that there's no reason to spend time with a girl unless you're going to marry them--which ironically has resulted in a lot of very good, attractive, and successful people who remain single a lot longer than they would prefer to.

All of this to say, for me at least: there is value in hanging out, and very little value in going on blind, or nearly blind dates with people I don't really know.  If I want to get to know someone, there are much better ways to do that (I'm a fan of making bread and inviting people over). I suspect I've ruined many a relationship by asking them on a date before I really knew them at all. Also, importantly, there is value in friendship.  Because it's Sunday, I'll even throw in some scripture on this one:

"And the hour and the day [of leaving] is not given unto them, wherefore let them act upon this land as for years, and this shall turn unto them for their good." (D&C 51:16-17)

So if you've made it this far, and you're single, I think it's wise to live as though you'll be single for years.  Make friendships, do good things, be who you want to be, and I suspect things will work out, probably faster than they would otherwise.  That's the theory anyway, I am, as it happens, still extremely single.  So maybe check back with me on this one, I could be completely wrong.

Almost a blog

I just got very close to making a good blog post, i even opened the window, but then I got tired.  Ironically, my monthly challenge is getting 8 hours of sleep.  Suffice it to say, it's going poorly.  Anyway, I'll try to do it tomorrow or sunday, it's going to be good.  Get excited.

On Friendship, Dating, and the Perils of Living in Provo.

Like I said, get excited.

You came all this way, here's something for your trouble:

And that's what happened today.

March Madness (bread style)

So in the way of challenges, for march I successfully refrained from buying any bread, and made all my own, here's a quick, chronological photo account of how that went:

After one batch, I decided that making my own bread for a month by hand just wasn't a good idea.    Enter Kitchen Aid

First Loaf was white bread, from the cook's Illustrated Best Cookbook.  The second batch turned out  even better

Banana bread counts as bread right?

Honey Wheat bread, I didn't love the recipe, but it was still delicious.  

 So now I'm trying to figure out what will be my challenge for april.  I have a Dirty Dash coming up in two months, but I think I'll put serious training off till May.  So if you have any suggestions, let me know.

In other news life is stupid busy, but otherwise quite good I guess.  Another semester is almost done, which is odd, but life seems to go that way.  Anyhow, it's past midnight, and at some point 3 months ago I foolishly signed up for an 8am class.  So I'm going to work my way that direction.